Funniest Facebook Updates collection

• Status lost in translation.
• I just lost my best friend.....to Facebook.
• Alcohol does NOT make you fat…it makes you lean…against tables,chairs,walls, floors and ….Ugly people!!!

• what has two ears and cant hear? —————–.> GRANDPA
• I’m not a racer….But i can fly.
• ▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒▒ scratch here to get the status
• I thinks my neighbor just caught me stealing his Wi-Fi internet.
• Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant.
• X is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of “liking” my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I’m awesome..
• Every day, man is making bigger and better fool-proof things, and every day, nature is making bigger and better fools. So far, I think nature is winning.
• I swear my pillow could be a hairstylist I always wake up with the wierdest hairdos.
• ¡ǝɯıʇ ǝɯɐs ǝɥʇ ʇɐ ʞooqǝɔɐɟ ǝsn puɐ puɐʇspuɐɥ ɐ op ʎןןɐuıɟ uɐɔ
• wants to merge MySpace, Facebook, YouTube and Twitter and call it: MY FACE YOU TWIT.
• X says don’t look at me in that tone of voice.
• Is anyone going to put anything funny on here?????
• If women ruled the world there would be no wars. Just a bunch of jealous countries not talking to each other.
• eat eat and eat….but don’t eat my brain.
• I married my wife for her looks. But not the ones she’s been giving me lately!
• ʎɐqǝ uo pɹɐoqʎǝʞ ɐ ʎnq ı ǝɯıʇ ʇsɐן ǝɥʇ sı sıɥʇ
• forcing my dog to learn how to google.
• Status is Loading ████████████ 99%
• Dont you find it Funny that after Monday(M) and Tuesday(T), the rest of the week says WTF?
• In an interview, “I can multitask housework with facebook!”
• X is coloring on your wall! ((̲̅ ̲̅(̲̅C̲̅r̲̅a̲̅y̲̅o̲̅l̲̲̅̅a̲̅( ̲̅̅((>
• never judges a book by its cover. She uses the paragraph on the back, it tells you what the story is about.
• Insert coin to view my status message.
• remembers the day when blackberry and apple were just fruit.
• WARNING: Objects in mirror are fatter than they appear.
• ║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║█║▌│║▌║█║▌║▌││║▌║
• People say that love is in every corner……gosh! maybe i’m moving in circles..
• X is color blind and trying to solve a rubiks cube… This could take a while.
• X is "never on schedule, but always on time."
• I solve many of my problems by simply ignoring them.
• doesn't have an attitude problem. You have a perception problem.
• Facebook: It's where you go to share your incredibly random thoughts in order to find out who is as twisted as you are.
• Hard work can solve any problem. Unless the problem is you're working too hard.
• doesn't know what the problem is. I keep drinking 6-packs, but my abs never look any better

Facebook Top20 Profile Pictures

 

7 Facebook Tricks To Avoid Yourself From Getting Hated

1. Beware! Don’t sync your  Twitter account with Facebook , if you are someone who tweets every 10 minutes will end by flooding the live-stream of your friends and  they will end up marking hide your updates .
2. Do not add people you do not have any kind of relationship, if you ask someone to add it is because you know him or you can have something in common that can make interesting relationship between both of you, and not because he or she has a very good profile picture
3. When you upload a picture don’t tag everyone in the picture.As each comment will give a notification to every one in your contact and this will annoy many of them.Tag only those who are present in the picture.
4. The relatives of your friends are not friends, Facebook is not a popularity race to see if you have more friends.
5. Do not invite all of your contacts to attend events, only those who may be interested and those who are geographically possible should be invited.
6. Each time you use an application on Facebook as a requirement it asks you to send an invitation to your friends do not click on the send button, somewhere must have a button to skip this step (the policy of Facebook require it .)
7. When uploading pictures make sure they have access only to people who should have access to them, your mother is not interested to see how you vomit on your best friend (and probably your boss either.)

Facebook(FB) Chat Slang Codes

Slang’s have become very common in chat’s,Sms,emails.People new  to these slang’s find really difficult to understand converstion.On the other hand it saves a lot of time and effort if slang’s are used.I will give the most commonly used Slangs with there meanings that are used in facebook chat or Sms.

Here are the Most Commonly used Facebook chat slang’s

ASAP   = As Soon As Possible

GN       =  Good Night

M/F      = Are You Male or Female?

ASL       = Tell me your Age,Sex and Location

IDK       = I don’t Know

SD         =  Sweet Dreams

BRB       = Be Right Back

JK          =  Just Kidding

Tnx       = Thanks

BTW      = By The Way

K           =    Okay

TY         =  Thank You

ROFL     = Rolling on Floor Laughing

LOL        = Laugh out Loud

TTYL    = Talk to you later

FYI        =  For Your Information

LMAO   = Laugh My Ass Out

WTF      =  What The F**k

FB          =   Facebook

LMFAO    = Laugh my f**king ass off

WTH    =  What the hell

GM       =   Good Morning

LMK     =  Let Me Know

zzz      =   Sleeping

BFF     =  Best Friends Forever

Jk       =  Just kidding

B4      =  Before

L8      =  Late

gr8     =  great

plz      =  please

sry      = sorry

bbz     =  babes

kk       = okay

kl        =  cool

Send Free Sms from Facebook Application

Now send free sms from your facebook profile , All you need is to install application and start using them as your sms  Messenger .

Sms application is official launched via Smsze.com and you can avail all feature of smsze except read sms .Recently they have also launched  there mobile version that  helps you in sending sms from yours mobile phone .

Install FB App – Free Sms

* Only For India

How to Find Friend Using Email Address On FacebooK (FB)

If you are new to Facebook then you must know how you can find your friends or anyone using there email address.You can also Use  Friend Finder feature to quickly locate friends in your email address book.

Search for individual friends or anyone using  Email address

Place email address on Facebook Search bar and Hit Enter and you will have that person profile in front of you . You can also search for individual friends using the search field

I will suggest you to to find your friend using friend suggestion feature in new facebook profile ,You can then visit this link to search all your related friends in facebook .

FACEBOOK TO CHARGE USERS!

BREAKING -  Due to the uproar caused by announcing its shutdown on March 15, Facebook has a new plan – charging users!

On January 9th, WWN’s  J.B. Smitts broke the story that Facebook was shutting down on March 15th.

Pressure from angry users has been too much and Facebook is looking at an alternative, something that will persuade Mark Zuckerberg to keep the site alive:  the social media platform is going to start charging users!

Facebook is planning a subscription-based service with monthly fees starting at $0.99 for a basic “friendship” which allows for the posting of text and just one profile picture.  This fee will increase, depending on the number of friends you have, the messages posted and sent, and the pictures/videos/ games put on a user’s page.  The monthly fee will be capped at $50.00 per month at the high-end.

Bottom line:  the more you use Facebook, the more you will pay.

All existing content has been “grandfathered” and will not be disrupted – though Facebook has decided to share this data with government agencies, including the FBI and the CIA.

Goldman Sachs, which had been planning to raise $1.5 billion in financing before they learned that Mark Zuckerberg wanted to shutter the site, is thrilled at the prospect of Facebook converting to a pay service.

“The addition of this substantial revenue windfall makes Facebook all that more attractive as an investment,” said Tom Weitz, Senior Vice President of Goldman Sachs.  “This will make it the largest corporation on the planet, in the history of the planet.”

Industry watchers estimate that the new fee-based program will generate well in excess of $20 billion in new revenue for the company – based on the most conservative assumptions of usage and the proposed tiered fee structure.

These estimates, of course, account for the fact that millions of users may quit Facebook in response to the imposition of fees.  “I’m not going to pay for Facebook!  It’s like paying for air.  It’s not right,” said longtime Facebook junkie,  Jessica Samsille.  “Screw them, I’m going back to MySpace,” said Bo Chan.

No matter.  Facebook executives are excited at the prospect of charging users. “We’re going to make money hand-over-fist,” said Facebook CEO Sheryl Sandberg.  “I think converting to a pay service is something that will make Mark want to keep the site going.  And I’ll finally get to buy that island I want in the Mediterranean.”

March 15th is Facebook Day.   The site will either shut down, or start charging users for its service.

Beware the ides of March…

FACEBOOK WILL END ON MARCH 15th!

PALO ALTO, CA –Mark Zuckerberg announced that Facebook will be shut down in March. Managing the site has become too stressful.

“Facebook has gotten out of control,” said Zuckerberg in a press conference outside his Palo Alto office, “and the stress of managing this company has ruined my life. I need to put an end to all the madness.”

Zuckerberg went on to explain that starting March 15th, users will no longer be able to access their Facebook accounts.

“After March 15th the whole website shuts down,” said Avrat Humarthi, Vice President of Technical Affairs at Facebook. “So if you ever want to see your pictures again, I recommend you take them off the internet. You won’t be able to get them back after Facebook goes out of business.”

Zuckerberg said the decision to shut down Facebook was difficult, but that he does not think people will be upset.

“I personally don’t think it’s a big deal,” he said in a private phone interview. “And to be honest, I think it’s for the better. Without Facebook, people will have to go outside and make real friends. That’s always a good thing.”

Some Facebook users were furious upon hearing the shocking news.

“What am I going to do without Facebook?” said Denise Bradshaw, a high school student from Indiana. “My life revolves around it. I’m on Facebook at least 10 hours a day. Now what am I going to do with all that free time?”

However, parents across the country have been experiencing a long anticipated sense of relief.

“I’m glad the Facebook nightmare is over,” said Jon Guttari, a single parent from Detroit. “Now my teenager’s face won’t be glued to a computer screen all day. Maybe I can even have a conversation with her.”

SIGN THE “SAVE FACEBOOK” PETITION HERE

Those in the financial industry are criticizing Zuckerberg for walking away from a multibillion dollar franchise. Facebook is currently ranked as one of the wealthiest businesses in the world, with economists estimating its value at around 7.9 billion.

But Zuckerberg remains unruffled by these accusations. He said he will stand by his decision to give Facebook the axe.

“I don’t care about the money,” said Zuckerberg. “I just want my old life back.”

The Facebook Corporation suggests that users remove all of their personal information from the website before March 15th. After that date, all photos, notes, links, and videos will be permanently erased.

Facebook Shortcuts, really useful

Alt+?: Search
Alt+m: Compose a new message
Alt+1: Home page
Alt+2: Your profile page
Alt+3: Friend requests
Alt+4: Your messages
Alt+5: Notifications
Alt+6: Account page
Alt+7: Privacy
Alt+8: Facebook's Facebook page
Alt+9: Facebook Terms/Agreement
Alt+0: Facebook help center...

How to Disable or Turn Off Facebook Group Chat Read more

If you ever get annoyed by group chat that keeps on flashing on your screen, you can disable the group chat sent from specific group, or simply turn off the chat feature by going offline for your chat status. Here’s how you can do it:

Method 1: Opt-out of Group Chat from certain groups

Once you have opt-out of group chat messages, you will no longer receive the messages from online users but if you wish to enable FB group chat again, just go through the step to go back on the same option and check it.

• Step 1: Go to the page of the group that you don’t want to receive chat from.
• Step 2: Click on Edit Settings which appear on the upper right corner of your screen.
• Step 3: Un-check (un-tick) the option for “Send me group chat messages”.
• Step 4: Click Save Settings.

New from Facebook – change the name of your page

Over the past few days Facebook have made a few changes to their pages that we thought we’d share with you here. Facebook pages are constantly changing and it can be hard to keep up with all the additions they make. The recent changes won’t make much difference to fans of a page, but are aimed at admins to make managing pages easier and more efficient. When Facebook make any changes to the page system it usually results in criticism from page admins but these most recent changes have been well received and consistently prove Facebook’s dedication to making life as easy as possible for brands that manage a presence on Facebook. So what are the most recent changes that they’ve made?

A new look to manage your page

Facebook have completely overhauled the admin section where you manage pages. Where this was previously all done through one interface, they’ve now introduced new sidebar links that allow you to manage different sections :

Though it does take a while to get used to the new interface and find all the features you accessed before, this is a much nicer way of managing your pages, as previously it could be difficult to find certain features such as sending an update to fans. This is now nicely contained within the marketing section, where you can also see the other free and paid promotional options available, including advertising and a free Like box.

Change the name of pages

This is another new option available through the new page interface, but it doesn’t seem to be available to all pages. This is certainly a much called-for feature and it’s one of the most common problems a business has with their Facebook page. If you change the name of your organisation for example, you previously had to go through an account manager at Facebook and request that the name be changed. Many are seeing the option to change the name of their page themselves, though it’s not available for all. On the Simply Zesty page we have over 10,000 fans but don’t see this option and discussion seems to point to the option only being available to pages with a few Likes. This makes sense as it protects larger communities who have joined a page for one thing – say an event – before it changes to a generic brand name, or to prevent the sale of Facebook pages who have a large community.

If you are lucky enough to be able to change the name of your page, you’ll see it in the ‘Basic information’ tab. The image below shows this (screenshot taken from a page with a personal name, not a profile) :

New spam filter

If you’re an admin of a large page you’ll know the effort involved in constantly monitoring the wall for spam, as these are increasingly targeted to post spam links. Facebook have now addressed this by introducing a new spam filter. This is seen in the options along the top, only by admins of the page, where you select to see just posts by the page, or by ‘others’ as well :

This prevents your fans from seeing the spam content, and clicking into this tab allows you to see all the spam content, and hovering over a post gives you the option to delete it :

Hovering over the ‘x’ at the side of a post will also give you the option to unmark a post as spam, so the page admin has full control over the content. It’s only been live for a few days but as yet I haven’t seen a post incorrectly marked as spam so it seems that their content filtering system is fairly robust.

This recent batch of changes from Facebook seem absolutely spot on and make managing pages much easier. The spam filter is well overdue and will have page admins all over rejoicing!

Download entire albums from your friends

This is a brilliant firefox extension that allows you to download an entire album from your friends in one single click. Developed by Arthur Sabintsev, FacePAD can be downloaded from here

When it’s installed, simply go the photo album you’d like to download, right click on the title and click on download :

How To Tag People In Facebook Status Update

Tagging a person in a picture is very simple and known by most of the people that use facebook but tagging a person or a page in a facebook update is something that many people dont know.Tagging a person in the status update will automatically include a link to the person’s profile with his/her name.Tagging a person in a facebook status update is very simple and it can be done as shown below in the screenshot.

Here is the complete step by step tutorial on How To Tag People In Facebook Status Update

Login into your facebook account

To mention someone in the facebook status update just type ” @ “and his/her name.When you will start typing the name of the person an autogenreasted list of your friends will appear.select the person name you want to tag.

Share your facebook status update and link to the profile person will appear in your facebook status update.

Hide Your Online Status From Selected Friends:

So you want to use Facebook chat but don’t want some people to see your online status? Simply open up the Facebook Chat and click on Friends List. Start creating a new list called BlockList.

Once the list is created, add those friends to the list that you want to appear offline to. When the list is complete, hover your mouse to the little green icon adjacent to the list and click Go Offline. Bingo! You will now appear offline to everybody in the BlockList.

Put Your Facebook Friends Into Categories By Adding Them To A Facebook Friends List

When I started to get too many Facebook friends I started to wonder how I would remember who they were and why I became their friend in the first place. It’s not like the real world you know. I have random friends that I have never even spoken to but have something in common with me.

I thought about culling my Facebook friends down to a manageable size, but that’s mean. Who would I choose to boot out? I couldn’t handle getting asked “why aren’t we friends anymore?” OMG I am glad this is not a face to face friend saying this to me. Anyway, just because these people are not in my real life and will not be invited to a BBQ at my house, unfriending them could still hurt their feelings. Therefore I decided to put my friends into categories by adding them to a particular list on Facebook.

How to add a Facebook friend to a list to categorize them?

Sorry if this sounds like herding cattle, or turning your friends into numbers, some things just must be done.

1.  When you find a new friend and click on “Add as a friend” a box will appear. See below.

2.  Click on the Add to list button and a drop down menu will appear.

3.  If you do not have any friend lists then it will ask you to create one.

4.  If you have lists you can simply click on one to add this new friend to it.

5.  Click on Add a personal message to write a quick note to the person to let them know why you are requesting to be their friend.

6.  Now click on the Send Request.

7.  If this person accepts your friend request they will be added to the friend list you chose earlier.

8.  If they do not accept your friend request nothing will happen.

Facebook smiley faces on chat – Add a smiley face to Facebook chat

If you are into chatting on Facebook and communicating your lungs out without actually speaking then this Facebook chat trick is for you. I personally do not chat on Facebook but I know both my daughters are clearly engaged with anything to do with this website. In fact I never see my children and if I want to get them to do something I need to contact them on Facebook.  What is the world coming to?

Anyway that is enough of my opinion and lets get onto the cool smiley face tricks for chatting on Facebook. You will notice that these smileys codes are kind of similar to forum smiley code.
Facebook chat trick – add a smiley face to your Facebook chat. These codes do not come up properly on this Website so I have posted the true list on the forum.
smile, much better in real life though…
sad face, how can be sad you are on Facebook? Get over it!
really happy, its really sad that you are really happy about this…
wink, sleazy..don’t use it!!
^_^ happy eye face, ok whatever..
>:-( grumpy face, maybe you would be happier if you were getting some vitamin …?
:3 cat face, why would you want this?
:’( crying face, how embarrassing, do you want attention?
shocked face, I was shocked too when I found out that you could look so shocked!
glass face, hmmm..don’t crack a smile then..
B) same as above, oh how boring, this one is a copycat!
8-| cool shades, we all want to be cool.. that is why we are on Facebook..
rude face, I know someone that cried when they saw this..
.O.o woot!, we won’t even go there…It’s all too much for me.
-_- dork face, you shouldn’t pick on people, even online…
:/ duhh, like saying I told you so, or you are an idiot, or your brainless..
<(“) peguin, please tell me why you would want to use this..Does it mean anything to you?
(^^^) jaws, same as the penquin thing…WT??
3:) devil, this is when you have been naughty? Hope my kids are not using this one!
O:) angel, only good people can use this, otherwise the Facebook Gods will get you..
:* kiss face, you can kiss all you want on Facebook, just not in real life!
<3 heart, this is a cute one so I will not bag it out…
:v pacman, how 80′s is that? Didn’t pacman die with the Atari?
|] robot, don’t get this one, I guess you will just have to try it.
:putnam: guys face, who cares…we have profile pictures you know..

How To Send Bold & Underline Text In Facebook Chat

People try to learn more and more facebook tricks so that they can amuse their friends.Well today I am going to teach you a cool facebook chat trick that most of the people are unaware of that is how to send bold and underlined text in facebook chat.This trick doesnot require any technical knowlege and it can be used by using just simple codes

Now here are the facebook codes for sending bold and underlined text in facebook chat.

For Sending Bold Text

• whatever you type between * *(two stars ) will automatically turns into bold.
• Example : You write
  I *really* mean it.
Turns to
I really mean it.

For sending underlined Text

• Whatever you type between _ _(two underscores) will automatically turns into underlined text
• Example: You write

I really _mean_ it.
Turns to
I really mean it.

For writing Bold+Underline

• Whatever you type between *_ _* will automatically turns into Bold+Underline
• Example:

You *_mean_* it?
Turns to
You mean it?

How to change Display Name of Facebook account?

Follow Some Simple Steps To Change the Display Name of Facebook Account

1. Facebook.com and login into your account.
2. Click on Setting at the top right and click on account setting
3. Click on Change Button next to the name feild
4. Now you Can Type here Your Different first and last name.

How to Hide Friends list?

Follow This Simple Steps To Hide Friends list.

1. Click on Profile on the blue bar a the top of the screen.
2. Scroll down to the beginning of your Friends list and click on the pencil to the right of the word Friends.
3. Click On Change visibility settings.
4. Scroll Down the page,, Click on Custom edit.

5.Then Select Only Me.